Up there or not, I write this letter. Perhaps not for any other reason than to vent my thoughts on the subject of You. Because of all the contradictory information and evidence…I still want You. I still feel I need You.
So, what’s a lost soul to do?
There are no answers in the Book. There are only lies from the people who preach it. The institution wearing Your “symbols” are more corrupt and evil than the beings they antagonize.
Therefore, forgive my lack of faith. “Faith” must be blind and “believing is seeing?” Why? Why not come down from time to time and just rip into our hearts? Show us what You are. Save us that are lost because with only vague enigmatic words written by men to go on, we are more lost than ever.
And then we are shamed for being such. Not because of what the liars and abusers of Your symbols say – no, they have no relevance. They are death in human bodies. Instead we are ashamed because we do feel you. Because we do need you. We want You and we know You are watching. Yet, we wander. We walk around with no aim or direction because our destination is hiding Itself from view. It’s covered in dense fog and thick walls of stone. We feel if we really deserved it, You’d show us something.
So you see, I’m truly sorry that I’m frustrated because Life is mine and the world still spins. The creatures are beautiful and the skies are blue. The Sun rises each day. And still…You aren’t here. You never show yourself and let us know You. You only give us metaphors written by men of ages passed that were probably man made words to begin with.
On second thought…You know what? From a lost soul who still craves You, don’t give me answers. Keep away, up high on Your throne of clouds. Answers won’t lead me anywhere, because there’s nowhere to go. Proof won’t ease my soul because my soul is destined to wander. I was born to wander this earth in search of something that can never be found, can never be touched. That’s Life. And it must be felt.
I will still see You, though, in the eyes of creatures and the lands of Life. In every Sunrise I will glimpse your face. In every dying star I’ll feel Your power. I suppose, that’s my answer. That’s my sign and reassurance. That’s all I’ll ever get from You in this life…And that’s enough.
A lost soul I may be, but when the rays of Sunlight hit my soul, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Don’t give me answers, they won’t lead me anywhere. They won’t satisfy me one bit. I see You and I want You. I feel You in the Sun.
Perhaps that’s all I need. No books, no bigots, no lies and shame – just the Sun.
The Sun is the sign – the sign that You never left me.
Earth and Sun, Life and feeling, rays and breath, creatures and connections – those are the true answers I need. Those are the journeys for a wandering soul. No destinations.
I’m lost by choice but not without You. You are always there, silently allowing me to wander because that’s when You show Yourself to me. In being lost, I find You.
So, God of Earth and Sun, God of Life – I understand. I will remain lost.
Lost is Life. Lost is wonder. Lost is a gift to always seek exploration. Exploration leads to You.
I will see You soon, God of Sun and Earth, at Sunrise.
A Lost Soul
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