It’s one of those nights when you’ve left me to my thoughts without an intelligent filter. I’m weak, tired, and restless. Sleep won’t come to me and all I can do is wonder…
I want to run outside and scream and rip the bark off of the trees. I will hide my face from the world with my blood stained hands. With this occasional late night disease – I’ll never be free.
I will scream and they’ll hate me.
I will scream and they’ll laugh.
I will scream and they won’t see me.
In my final scream they’ll attack.
Their words are so cutting. Must they be so cruel? All I ever wanted was to belong and be at peace.
I’m not meant to stay. They’ll run me off. I’m not like them. I don’t fit, I’m pushed outside. I’ll never get in.
I’m not of this world. I’m not right. All I feel and do is wrong in their eyes. God knows that I tried.
For now, to them, it’s goodbye.
Forever I’ll hide.
I restlessly await your return, Rational Brain. It’s going to be a long night. Make sure to be back by morning, as usual.
You leave me less often nowadays. Your absence is rare. Thank you for that. I’ll remember that during my madness. We’ve not perfected the insanity, but we’ve come a long way, my Rational Brain.
I feel so much peace when you return to me. You see the light. I see nothing but darkness.
Promise me you won’t leave me again?
Late Night Irrational Thinking Brain
Subscribe for a FREE copy of Self Exploration Field Notes: